Responses - Advocacy / Dating / Instruction & Teaching Abstinence

A Neo-Feminist's View of Abstinence (2005)

I don't want to have sex.

Clarification: I do want to have sex, but only with my husband.

And I don't have one of those yet (a Husband, I mean).

No, I am not an ultraconservative who is cohabitating with a houseful of cats and TiVo'ing Lifetime movies. I'm a middle-of-the-road 32-year-old who likes tattoos and loud music.

And yes, I am cute (I've been told by friends and strangers alike).

So you can put aside the notion that I'm bitter about not being offered the chance to have sex.

 

What I am is a neo-feminist.

 

Definition: "One who respects her body so much that she won't allow it to be used as someone's playground."

Handsome Man at a Bar, you think I'm cute? Thanks. Do you appreciate me or the idea of having sex with me? Because your thinking has likely been influenced by the cavortings of Samantha and Co. in the "city" or the women in most rap videos. I am not those women. If you want a workout, go get a one-day pass at Bally. It's free.

Members of the "Sex is Natural and Fun and If It Makes You Happy, It Can't Be That Bad" club want sex so badly that they willingly and repeatedly live out the following scenario: Things go "great" for a month or two. Sex quickly becomes a part of your interactions. Maybe he even meets your parents. And then, well, things just change. He dumps you or you dump him.

 

Regardless of why the relationship died, you are now one of many women whom he could point out on the street. "See her?" he can tell his buddies. "She's cute, huh? Yeah, I had her." I never want to be "her."

 

The "You Have to Know if You're Sexually Compatible or the Marriage Will Be Doomed" club will argue that one of two marriages end in divorce, so you have to know that you're sexually compatible before you can even contemplate marriage.

Well, maybe one of two marriages end in divorce precisely because people are too free with sex.

Many people don't take time to establish real communication with one another.

It's false intimacy.

 
Many women today are weak-minded in that they readily accept society's portrayal of sexual norms.

The people on The O.C. are doing it. Paris Hilton, as she's hosing down that Bentley, appears ready to do it.

And more important, many people they actually know are doing it.

The sheer prolificness of sex seems to make the decision for them.

Women are non-self-respecting because they willingly sacrifice such an important part of their being for just a few moments of pleasure.

And they're oblivious because they don't contemplate the profoundness of sex.

Women give it up as if it's nothing.

When in fact, it is everything.

[USA Today By Elizabeth Sandoval 08/18/05; Abstinence Clearinghouse, 18Aug05]