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Comments of Two Birth Mothers

When I became pregnant at the age of 18, I was more than scared, but knew that my son deserved life. The idea of abortion never even crossed my mind. However, adoption was an option that I considered from the beginning.

Placing my son for adoption was the hardest decision I have ever made and the process has not been easy. I don't regret anything, though, and am thankful for the gift of my son and the perfect adoptive family for him. As a birthmother, I feel that I gave a family the best gift possible.

My son changed my life and made me a better person. He has made me so much stronger and taught me what true love is.

True love is putting another's needs before your own. I put my son's needs before mine. Believe me, I wanted to bring him home from the hospital so badly, but for me — not for him. I know that he deserves a mom and a dad who can provide what he needs and deserves.

I think of my son every day and am grateful for the memories. I saved everything from pregnancy to birth and treasure the pictures that his family sends me. I look forward to the day when we can meet again, but until then he is in my heart always.

He is a part of me and our connection is stronger than distance. Being pregnant my senior year of high school and giving birth the week before moving away to college was extremely difficult, but I am so glad that I had the privilege of bringing my son into this world.

— A.M., California [The American Feminist, Fall/Winter 2003-2004]

"I've Had No Regrets About Placing My Child for Adoption"

"Oh, is this your first?"

My husband, Dave, and I heard that question many times druing my recent pregnancy. And I had a difficult time answering it honestly. Yes, it was OUR first, but it wasn't MY first.

I ran away from home with my boyfriend when I was 15. We camped out for a week before the private detective my parents hired found us. My father was so mad that he wanted to put me in a correctional institution.

But my mother insisted I have a pregnancy test. It was positive, and my father was furious.

Abortion was legal, but my parents wouldn't even consider it. My mother and I found a home for unwed mothers, run by a couple…

After settling down there, I decided I would keep my baby. My boyfriend wanted to marry me, and we thought that if we kept the baby, naturally my parents would let us get married. It wasn't fair, we thought, for somebody else to get my baby after going through nine months of carrying it and then delivering it.

During my seventh month, though, Annie, the house mother, make a statement I will never forget.

She said, "The primary people in this decision are you and your baby. What is going to be best for both your baby and yourself?"

I had seen God's love in Annie's life, and I knew He cared about me. Knowing that whatever was best for one would be best for the other freed me up.
I cried. I thought about myself at home with this baby and not having any money to do anything.

Even if I did marry my boyfriend, what would stop him from leaving me? And what would I do with this baby if he left me?

And what if we didn't get married? My family didn't want me to keep the baby, so I couldn't go to them for support. And I'd have to give up my dream of going to college.

Then I took a realistic look at the baby. Wouldn't it be better for this baby to have two loving parents who wanted him/her and would have the financial resources to take care of the child? Of course the answer was yes.

The most loving thing I could do was place my baby for adoption.

When the time came, Annie coached me through labor.

I had a little girl, and I spent two days with her. I left the hospital, but I didn't go home right away. I needed time to deal with the feelings of going through birth and then not having a baby there.

Now I've been married for five years to a man I met while I was in college.

I used to question whether to have children. I didn't know if I could be a good mother. During the last two years, though, my heart has slowly changed.

In April, I gave birth to a little boy.

I stress that I have never had one second of regret about placing that child for adoption. Never.

I know she is in the best place. There is no reason to have any regrets.
Kathy L., TX