Parent Resources

How Can Parents Affirm Adolescent Abstinence? (update!)

By teaching SELF-CONTROL which requires…

…JUDGMENT …HARD WORK …PERSEVERANCE …ACCEPTING CONSEQUENCES …POSTPONING IMMEDIATE GRATIFICATION (Delayed Gratification)

Here are TIPS you can teach your teens on How to Say “No”. These TIPS require that our teens learn and practice good judgment, hard work, perseverance, responsibility, and delayed gratification in order to achieve sexual self-control.

Make a committment

  • To myself
  • To my parents
  • To a friend with like values (so we can be accountable to each other)
  • To those I date (agree up front the relationship will be kept free of sexual activity)
  • To my future mate, even if I haven’t met him/her yet

Avoid

  • …being completely alone
  • …intimate environments (do not visit each other’s homes when no one else is home, go parking in a secluded area, or go walking in the woods alone)
  • …sexually stimulating influences such as sexually explicit music, movies, TV, or books; revealing clothing, physical stimulation (prolonged kissing), or use of alcohol &/or drugs

Plan Ahead

Group dating is fun and takes the pressure off you to carry on the conversation. If you must single date, make sure you know the person you are dating well, and that your parents have his/her family’s phone number and address (hint: know more about him/her than the name!) Know where you are going, with whom, what you will do when you get there, & what time you’ll be home; tell your parents or trusted friend; keep on schedule! Have an agreement or secret code with your parents/guardians that you will call them if you find yourself in a situation that does not agree with your values so that they can come get you. Always carry money for a pay phone, or call collect! Look for a way out, an escape, an excuse if you find yourself in a pressure squeeze.

Date someone with the same values

If your date does not respect your values and your feelings as a person, don’t get involved; break that date off early. Date people you know and know each other’s guidelines for dating; make sure you both understand what “Abstinence” means and what “NO” means.

Date someone your own age

Otherwise, there could be far too much pressure to have sex; the majority of teen pregnancies were caused by men over 20.

Wait To Date

Many studies show the effects of early dating on teens: the younger the age of onset of dating, the younger the age for the first sexual encounter

Be friends first

Concentrate on establishing a friendship and get to know each other as individuals rather than focusing on physical attraction.

remind your teen…

That s/he is a teenager for 7 years, but it only takes a few minutes in the heat of uncontrolled passion…

  • …to get pregnant (it can happen “the first time”)
  • …to acquire STDs, some of which have no cure, at least one of which is fatal (HIV/AIDS, and HPV causes at least 95% of all cervical cancer, which kills 5000 American women each year)
  • …to ruin your future plans 
  • When 2 people have sex, they are having sex with every other person they have ever been sexually involved with before.
    • Condoms have holes in the latex 450 times larger than an HIV (AIDS) virus. Several STDs, especially HPV (Human Papilloma Virus – genital warts and cervical cancer) and chlamydia, are transmitted regardless of whether condoms are used or not.
    • “The pill”, “the patch”, and “the shot” provide NO protection against ANY STD and may actually increase the chances of becoming infected because they change the vaginal environment, making it more conducive to pathogens.

[Human Development Resource Council]