Dedicated to the “Unreachable”: please let this Reach you!
Words cannot describe the despair that enters into a mother’s heart after an abortion. I know because I fell victim to the Great Lie that abortion is an option.
I think it’s important that I begin my story with my father. I am ashamed to admit that he was an abortionist. He believed he was helping women who did not want to have their babies – 11 year-old girls who were raped by stepfathers or women on welfare who could not afford to feed another life. It sounded almost valiant of him to perform abortions. Deception is the greatest tool of the devil. My father bought the Lie and so did I.
My childhood was filled with deep depression. My dad lived to drink vodka and play gold and my mother took valium and had lovers on the side to compensate for her loneliness.
Even before 1973, when Roe v. Wade legalized abortion nationwide, New York was the first state to legalize abortion. People flew in from other countries and states to receive an abortion from my dad. Our family became extremely wealthy from these dastardly deeds.
It seemed that the richer we became, the more misery spread like cancer in our home. Dad drank more and more, and my mom became suicidal. And I ran away.
I took off with a juvenile delinquent, named Johnny who sold pot and began what I choose to call my Blind year. Drugs, Sex, and Rock-n-Roll became my Motto for living. But no matter how high I got, despair always crept in.
Johnny had a little brother, Ross, who had run away from a reform school in upstate New York. We took him in and I began shooting drugs and having sex with both of them. They broke into the ceiling of a pharmacy and got away with lethal doses of narcotics and all kinds of drugs. I lived to get high, to run away from the pain.
Then it happened! I went to the Emergency Room thinking I had overdosed because I was so sick and vomiting only to find out it had nothing to do with drugs – I found out I was pregnant!
At first, I was so happy, thinking that maybe this baby would be the answer and fill me with Joy and take away my emptiness. Then it hit me: this baby might not be Johnny’s baby; it might be Ross’ baby, and Ross was only 14!
I had been injecting all kinds of drugs and so I thought the baby could suffer deformities due to my drug use. Selfishly, I didn’t want to stop using drugs so I decided the best thing to do was to get an abortion.
This was the worst decision I ever made.
I showed up at some free clinic. I remember two people outside the clinic trying to hand me a piece of paper against abortion. I shook my head at them and told them they didn’t understand my circumstances. Today, I believe they were really angels sent to try to reach me; but I was unreachable.
The worst was yet to come. The doctor treated me like a [prostitute]; he was so insensitive. I felt like a dirty animal. I couldn’t stand myself. I remember being put to sleep and waking up alone in the room. I wondered if “it” was over.
I noticed a silver dish on a table. Curiously I tried to sit up. To my dismay, I saw the most horrible sight I’ve ever laid eyes on: there in the dish lay a tiny fetus – I could see tiny hands and feet!
Scared out of my mind, I ran out of the room and never looked back. To this day, I remember the perfectly formed little fetus lying dead in a dish! Instinctively, I felt a rush of love in my heart. This was My Baby I had Killed!!
Needless to say, I spiraled downward into self-destruction. I didn’t care anymore if I lived or died; all I knew was that Life was Hell and my life had become such a mess. I couldn’t get the image of my aborted baby out of my head!
My theme song was Hell is for Children by Pat Benetar. I lost who I was; I became cold, mean, and ruthless. One month after the abortion, I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a mental institution. I was so lost and I didn’t realize the severity of what I had done. I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I just sat and played Sounds of Silence on the piano: “The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls and echoed in the sounds of silence.”
This was the first of my abortions. I didn’t understand what it was doing to my children, or to me. My mother encouraged me to get abortions; after all, she had had 6 abortions herself, and to this day, she believes it wasn’t a sin. May her eyes be opened to the truth…
As painful as it is to write this story – my story – I know in my heart I MUST let other women know, for the sake of Truth, for the cries of the unborn, to be freed from the pain.
If you are pregnant and reading this, it is not a coincidence – Please! Do Not consider abortion as an option!
It is the Natural Thing for you to create and nurture the little life that has begun inside you. No matter what the circumstance, you are meant to have your baby.
There is no greater regret in my life than the choices I made to end the lives of my children!
It took many years of counseling and prayer to begin to heal. I have named my aborted children and I’ve written letters to them. I believe they have forgiven me and love me; but the most difficult thing I’m struggling with is to forgive myself.
I finally became “Reachable” and gave birth to my next three children who have given me so much joy and love that I don’t deserve. I believe my other children who are not here on earth watch over their brothers and sister on earth.
Please, let my story reach you!
There IS a way to have your baby. Below is a list of caring people you can turn to for help during your pregnancy.
I know one thing for sure: You will NEVER REGRET giving birth to your baby!
You will FOREVER REGRET an abortion!
Listen to your heart.
Listen to the heart of your baby.
There is no greater gift for a woman than a baby to love & cherish.
If you think you’re unreachable, you aren’t!
There is Hope for everyone – no matter what the circumstance.
I don’t know who you are but I care so much – I care so much because I was you…
I can’t change my past. Let me help your present and future…and when you hold your baby in your arms for the first time, you’ll understand what I mean!
ABORTION IS… FOREVER.
For help if you are pregnant and need help, call 1.800.4.OPTIONS, or 1.800.395.HELP.