Group dating is fun and takes the pressure off you to carry on the conversation.
If you must single date, make sure you know the person you are dating well, and that your parents have his/her family’s phone number and address (hint: know more about him/her than the name!)
Know where you are going, with whom, what you will do when you get there, & what time you’ll be home; tell your parents or trusted friend; keep on schedule!
Have an agreement or secret code with your parents/guardians that you will call them if you find yourself in a situation that does not agree with your values so that they can come get you.
Always carry a cell phone, money for a pay phone, or call collect! Look for a way out, an escape, an excuse if you find yourself in a pressure squeeze.
Date someone with the same values
If your date does not respect your values and your feelings as a person, don’t get involved; break that date off early. Date people you know and know each other’s guidelines for dating; make sure you both understand what "Abstinence" means and what "NO" means.
Otherwise, there could be far too much pressure to have sex; the majority of teen pregnancies were caused by men over 20.
Wait To Date
Many studies show the effects of early dating on teens: the younger the age of onset of dating, the younger the age for the first sexual encounter.
Concentrate on establishing a friendship and get to know each other as individuals rather than focusing on physical attraction.
please remember...
You are a teenager for 7 years, but it only takes a few minutes in the heat of uncontrolled passion…
- …to get pregnant (it can happen "the first time")
- …to acquire STDs, some of which have no cure, at least one of which is fatal (HIV/AIDS, and HPV causes at least 95% of all cervical cancer, which kills 5000 American women each year)
- …to ruin your future plans
- When 2 people have sex, they are having sex with every other person they have ever been sexually involved with before.
- Condoms have holes in the latex 450 times larger than an HIV (AIDS) virus. Several STDs, especially HPV (Human Papilloma Virus – genital warts and cervical cancer) and chlamydia, are transmitted regardless of whether condoms are used or not.
- "The pill" and "the shot" provide NO protection against ANY STD and may actually increase the chances of becoming infected because they change the vaginal environment, making it more conducive to pathogens.
Be pure to be sure...
How can I say "NO" without hurting his/her feelings?
- I can just say "no"
- I can say "no" as if I really mean it
- I don’t have to give a reason
- I can suggest we do something else (see Creative Dating Ideas)
- I can simply say I don’t want to risk AIDS, cancer, warts, herpes blisters...
- I will be assertive (I can speak up for myself and express my feelings)
- I will stay calm
- Stand up straight and look the other person in the eye
- I won’t give in to pressure
- I will set my limits BEFORE I get in a pressure situation
- I will talk up front about my limits with my date
- I will go out in groups in order to take the pressure off
HAVE YOU HEARD THESE "SAME OLD LINES"?
Stand for Yourself or you will Fall for any body...
These are just a few sample comebacks. Practice saying them or similar responses, in front of a mirror (for eye contact practice).
"If you really loved me, you’d have sex with me"
If you really loved me, you wouldn’t pressure me!
"I thought you loved me!"
I do, but I thought you respected me!
"Everybody’s doing it"
That’s not true. I’m not ‘doing it’ and I’m somebody. OR Well, I’m not everybody. There ARE lots of people getting pregnant or getting AIDS or other STDs. There should be plenty of people you can do it with, but I don’t want to be a statistic! OR - I can become like everybody else anytime I want to; but they can never again become like me.
"Don’t you trust me?"
Marriage is built on trust. Do you want to marry me right now?
"I think you owe it to me" I don’t owe you anything.
"We might not get another chance."
If you really loved me, you wouldn’t ask me to take chances.
"It’s the only way to prove you’re a man/woman!"
I don’t have to prove anything to you!
"If you won’t do it, I’ll find someone who will."
If that’s all I mean to you, then you should find someone else, because I'm looking for someone to love me for me, not their own pleasure with my body.
"You can’t get pregnant the first time!"
YOU won’t, that’s for sure; but I could!
"If you get pregnant, I’ll marry you."
Why wait? Let’s get married now!
"I love you so much, I want to give you more!"
GREAT! Give me your self-control!
Use your will not the pill
Some creative ways to say NO!
Is that all you think about?
I feel like I may be getting the flu!
Not until I’m married. It’s past my curfew.
My parents are waiting up.
I just got my hair done.
I’m too tired.
I have to get up early in the morning.
I have sunburn.
I have a headache.
I feel nauseated.
I said NO and I mean it!
I’m hungry.
I don’t love you.
I don’t want our relationship to be just about sex.
I want to be loved, not make love.
I don’t want to be worrying about getting pregnant or getting an STD.
How about going to... (a movie, get something to eat, the baseball game, get our portrait made) or bake cookies instead?
No - Nein - Non - Nyet
Nyet is Russian for NO
NO is a love word
Go for NO
The best birth control is self-control
Purity Protects
SET the Limits –
Don’t PUSH the Limits…
[Teen-Aid]
If you are feeling…
- Fearful
- Lonely
- Used
- Embarrassed
- Guilty
- Angry
- Full of regret
- Rejected
then read on...
...These feelings may have come from sexual activity outside marriage. If so, you do not have to continue on this dead end path!
Secondary or Renewed Virginity allows you
to STOP
& TURN AROUND!!
Secondary Virginity <=> A NEW BEGINNING
[Goodges, from Womanity]
Human beings have the ability to change their habits! We need and seek order in our lives instead of chaos.
Dating should be full of fun, not full of fear!
Chastity – because YOU are
WORTH the WAIT
[Teen-Aid]
ABSTINENCE: REALITY CHECK
