Studies - Abstinence / Pornography / Sex Outside Marriage Research

The Science of Sex (2006)

"I'm a 23-year-old virgin saving sex for marriage. What did I miss by not being sexually active in college? STDs, unplanned pregnancy, heartache, and a lot of baggage that would follow me the rest of my life.

"I can live without that.

"When I meet the man I'm going to marry and walk down the aisle towards him  I'm not going to think, 'I wish I had slept around more, had more boyfriends, experimented more, etc.'

"I also won't have to be thinking, 'I wish I hadn't slept around. I wish I had saved myself for my husband. I hope I don't give him my STDs. What if he finds out that I got pregnant and had an abortion?  Why did I have to do so many stupid things? What if my husband ever finds out?'

"No Way! I'm saving myself for my future husband. And I don't regret a minute of it."  — College Graduate

Sex is a powerful force of nature. It bonds people together, is pleasurable, and can create babies.

So how does premarital sex damage relationships?

The answer lies within the powerful oxytocin hormone released in the body during sexual activity.

For example, picture duct taping a girl's arm to a guy's arm. Now, rip off the tape (OUCH!) and use the same piece of duct tape to wrap her arm to a new guy's arm.

What happens?

 

Well, it hurts like crazy when you rip off the tape the first time.

After switching partners several times, particles of skin and hair left on the tape reduce the adhesiveness so it cannot attach as effectively.

The same thing happens with sex.

When oxytocin is released in the brain during sexual activity, it acts like emotional superglue and bonds you to that initial partner.

When you break up (OUCH!) and have a new sexual partner, your ability to bond and produce oxytocin is damaged.

Just like debris on the duct tape, previous sexual experience with others reduces the ability to bond correctly.

Brain chemicals don't care how old, mature, or in control of your emotions you are — they still creat a bond.

No one can beat the brain chemistry behind sex.

On the flip side, imagine that you never removed the duct tape. Eventually, it would just feel like part of you.

When a couple waits until marriage to have sex, and they remain faithful to each other, oxytocin acts as a superglue between a husband and wife.

It also helps maintain the "high" of sex.

If you have been sexually active in the past, there is still hope.

Oxytocin levels can return to normal if you stop engaging in sexual activity and begin to heal the physical and emotional scars developed from premarital sex.

Give yourself a year or so before you attempt to get into a new relationship, and commit to Save sex for marriage (not engagement — marriage!)

You won't regret it.

[Eric Keroak, M.D. "Oxytocin: Is This Nano-Peptide a Chemical Type of Human Super-Glue?", PowerPoint Presentation, 2006; Human Life Alliance, 2007, www.humanlife.org]