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Abstinence is For Lovers!ã


[Again, smile, walk among the group and talk before class about the weather, classes, whatever.]

Yesterday, we talked about STDs – pretty gross, aren’t they? We only mentioned 5 – remember there are at least 8 major ones and at least 50 known STDs floating around out there. You can be sure there are several right here in your own school – in every school. It’s not just “low-life” who get STDs. Every one who is having sex is fair game. Play now, pay later…

It may seem hard to say “no” to sex.  But wait till you say “yes”! Then your problems REALLY begin! Worry about STDs and pregnancy; worry about keeping your partner; jealousy, envy, anger, lack of trust. Lots of stuff to make you really miserable.

And remember [use Alert! Transparency]:
      We DO NOT KNOW the long-term effects of most of these STDs because they have not been around long enough to study them for 20-30 years;
     If a person has 1 STD, it is very likely that the person has MORE THAN ONE STD;
     The chance of acquiring HIV INCREASES DRAMATICALLY if the person already has an STD such as HPV, Herpes, Gonorrhea, or Chlamydia [because the STD provides an opening into the body]
      “The Pill”, "The Shot", and "The Patch” provide NO PROTECTION AGAINST ANY STD – they may actually increase the chances of females getting STDs
      Everyone knows that even using the Pill, AT LEAST 12-18 (some studies now show up to 30 girls) of every 100 girls WILL GET PREGNANT WITHIN 12 MONTHS

So —  WHY do they push you to use condoms and birth control, KNOWING that these will fail and you may get STDs or get pregnant? 

There are two reasons:

1) Many of these people don’t think you are capable of controlling yourselves – they think you are just like animals – your feelings and emotions control you, not the other way around.

2) Also, IT’S ALL ABOUT MONEY. Lots of companies make multi-millions of $$ from condoms and chemical birth control methods every year – much of it from teens. Either these people don’t care about you and your future and are just making money off you, OR they have lost hope in you and have a very misguided and false compassion. Whichever it is, you are not being told the truth by people who push "safe sex" at you!

Just remember that if you’re NOT HAVING SEX, or using IV drugs, YOU DON’T EVER HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT GETTING THESE DISEASES!! That’s the GOOD NEWS!!

Then [yesterday, last week] we showed that anybody who is having sex now CAN STOP AND TURN AROUND! This is called SECONDARY VIRGINITY, or Renewed Virginity. It may seem difficult, and it is difficult because you have to “break the habit” of sex. But LOTS of young people are realizing that it’s the best thing to do to protect their physical and their emotional health.

Many teens have only had sex one time and have decided to stop. And over half of all high school students are VIRGINS – they have NOT had sex. So, when you feel that everyone you talk to has had sex, remember that lots of people SAY they've had sex so that they’ll seem “kewl”

Here's another thought: when 2 people have sex, they're having sex with every one they've ever had sex with before!

They bring ALL the diseases, ALL the memories, ALL the comparisons, ALL the hurts, and ALL the heartbreak from every other sexual relationship. Is this how you want to start a relationship? Is this the best way to build strong relationships?

What about comparisons? Guys, on your wedding night, how would you feel if this woman you love was actually comparing you in her mind to all the other guys she ever had sex with? How would that make you feel? What about you, girls? Do you want the man you marry to be picturing all the other girls he's ever had sex with, while he's supposed to be making love to YOU?

[Teaching Demo #10: The Marriage Bed]

This is what happens when you have sex before marriage. It's also what happens when you've been involved in pornography. This is not the way to build strong, loving, secure, life-long relationships. We'll talk more about this; just keep in mind that if you know anyone who is involved in pornography, they are poisoning their chances for a happy marriage.

Girls, you need to understand that guys GIVE LOVE to GET SEX. Guys, girls GIVE SEX to GET LOVE.

There are several big problems here:
1 – both the guy and girl are manipulating each other

– using each other to get what they want

2- there is a vast breakdown in communication, because neither one is getting all of the other person, and so there is not a real deep satisfaction. There is very little true conversation about dreams, plans, sharing feelings; just sexual activity. Each uses the other to get what they think they want. Over time, there is a real abyss between the two, because all they have is sex – no caring, no sharing, no friendship, no communication, just manipulative sex

3 – neither one is happy or content or comfortable; jealousy enters in, arguments increase; eventually they break up. They usually jump right into another relationship and repeat all of this again, becoming more frustrated, insecure and unhappy with each relationship

So, let’s start over, at the very beginning this time.

Most people want to marry and live happily ever after. How many of you hope to marry and be happy- have a happy married and family life? [pause; hopefully, most will raise their hands. If not, there may be a real problem with fear and despair in the class. This will have to be addressed. Talk with them about why they don't want to be married and have families. Sometimes, young people have seen so much unhappiness, they truly do not believe they will ever be able to have strong & lasting relationships. Working through this will be crucial if they are to understand how and why to build life-long relationships.]

OK! So, how do we form good relationships? Are we born knowing this? [pause] No, if we were, everybody would be happy and there would not be any divorces, would there?  

We have to LEARN how to form good, life-long relationships.

Let’s start by looking at our friends. Think about all the friends you have. Some are school friends; some are just acquaintances, a few are better friends, and maybe one or two are really close friendsyour best friends, the ones with whom you want to spend most of your time.

OK – so, what are the CHARACTERISTICS OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS? What’s different about them that makes them BEST friends instead of acquaintances? [pause; they should give you many of the traits listed below: their best friends are: honest, respectful of themselves and others, responsible, caring, trustworthy & loyal – can keep secrets, have self-control and self-discipline, don't pressure me to do anything I don't want to do – feel free and relaxed to be with them, have integrity – good moral standards,… — if possible, write the traits on the board or on poster paper.]

Can anyone think of anything else? [pause] OK! So, these are the things you all look for in a best friend [name them again].

So, in a best friend, you want to find genuine concern for your well-being, right? You want your best friend to care about you, to really listen to you, to your dreams and concerns, to accept you for who you are, to show interest in you, to build you up and to always encourage you to do your best. Is that right?

And, are these the same things you try to do for your best friend? Why? [pause] Sure! Because you want what's best for them – that's why we call them our "best" friend!

© 2006