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I had had an affair with Ray. 

My husband John was too busy caring about himself and had neglected the children and me. 

Ray was very handsome and made me feel wanted and needed a lot more than my husband…

Unfortunately, Ray was also an alcoholic and smoked crack cocaine.
I believed that my love for him could straighten him out. 

I separated from John and told him I was in love with Ray.  

I moved in with Ray and within weeks realized that this man was dangerous and psychotic. 

I called John who allowed me to come home……I found out shortly afterwards I WAS PREGNANT AND RAY WAS THE FATHER!  

John was so hurt and disappointed, and without a thought told me that if I wanted to stay in the marriage I MUST TERMINATE MY PREGNANCY!  IN OTHER WORDS, TAKE THE LIFE OF MY UNBORN OR LOSE MY LIVING CHILDREN!!!! 
John was selfish and adamant about it!  

He told me there was no way he could love my unborn baby.. 

We sat and smoked a big joint and drank some wine and that's when I made the God-forsaken decision to abort my baby. 

The clinic hurled us in like cattle….alot of the other women were frightened but noone admitted it.  Then one by one we were sedated and our babies were aborted!  Funny how no one spoke a word to each other…subconsciously we were grieving . 

Needless to say I fell into a terrible state of depression and began using drugs to escape the pain. There were never enough drugs to escape that amount of emotional pain…I hated myself and what I had become!
Ironically John and I divorced anyway…which made the abortion totally senseless and cruel. 

I think my baby would have been a boy. I've named him Thomas. I miss him very much and know he is looking out for my living children. 

I am writing my story in case there's a woman out there who has had an affair and has become pregnant and doesn't want her husband to leave, and is considering having the pregnancy 'TERMINATED"! 

I beg you from the very bottom of my heart to spare your unborn baby and yourself from the agony and utter unbearable pain that follows THE LIE that I bought into ….that it's O.K. to have an abortion!  

I can't stress enough THAT NO MATTER WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES, HOW HOPELESS THE OUTLOOK, THERE IS  A SOLUTION FOR YOU AND YOUR UNBORN CHILD!  It has taken me many many years to overcome the horrible effects abortion had left on my soul. 

May God Forgive us so that we may forgive ourselves and each other!  AMEN  

from   ..a victim of the heinious crime of abortion……..and for Thomas.

XXXO Mommy