I found out I was pregnant on my 18th birthday.
Pregnant by a guy I didn't care about and he didn't care about me.
We were just having "harmless fun".
To make matters worse I found out I had HPV as well!
I had no idea how to tell my parents. My mom found out when I was too dizzy to walk down the stairs and she asked me straight up and I told her I was pregnant. She then told my Dad who immediately said "well she's going to have an abortion".
I realized then I wanted to give it up for adoption and thought I could see it through. My mom supported me in this and we went and met with an agency who told me to come back in a few months and we could start looking at profiles of potential parents. I really wanted to do it right there and then (I understand why that's not a good idea now though).
I won't even start at how unsupportive the birth father was. My life was simplified, I would go to work and then come home and sleep. That was all I really had energy for.
Then one night I decided to go out with a friend to go dancing – no drinking though I had a baby to think about. I met this guy who seemed nice, we went on a couple of dates and I really started to like him. He was actually nice to me and treated me with respect!
I realized then that I couldn't keep dating him and have this baby – there was no way he would stick around through it all! So I called my doctor and asked if it was too late to change my mind – she told me I could get an abortion in two days time. I can't recall ever getting in to see any other kind of specialist that quickly…
I got to the abortion center with my Mom who was supportive of any decision I made (at 18 when you're pregnant you're not capable of making any decisions in my opinion, just stick to what you know is right).
There were a lot of young girls there who seemed like they had been in before at least once, it felt horrible! I went in and because of my HPV I couldn't have the regular procedure done – too painful. So they made me wait in day surgery until there was an available operating room. This took over 12 hours and I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything. By the time I went in it was too late for me to go home afterward so I had to stay overnight – they put me in the maternity ward…
A few years later I met my husband and told him my history up front, he had a very hard time dealing with it as he's pro-life. We worked through it together and got married.
We decided to start having kids right away even though I was only 23. After a year of trying I started blaming myself – I'm still not over the damage I've done to my life! I have been unable to conceive after 6.5 years of marriage and don't believe I ever will.
Thankfully we've been able to adopt a beautiful baby boy – he's 3 months old now – but it took 3 years to get him.
Looking back, what a blessing I could have provided some other couple with and maybe I would still be able to have kids.
It's a life long decision, and I'm facing my consequences. I'm so glad I have a husband who forgave me as my selfish decision affects his life too!