Relationships
Demo #9: Bonding
This is so simple and so effective!
As you talk about the importance of building strong relationships through abstinence, use tape to stick the message in their minds! Find clear, wide packing tape (not extremely sticky, but not wimpy either); band-aids work, but not as well. Tell the students that the tape represents a person (a boy if your volunteer student is a girl, and vice versa). Your volunteer and the tape person have been dating for a while and decide that having sex would improve their relationship.
Begin to wrap the tape around and around the volunteer's forearm [most guys have hairy arms, so make sure he understands what is about to happen and verbally agrees to the wrapping of the tape] and press the tape tightly. Then announce that after a few weeks or months, these two people have decided that they really aren't meant for each other and they break up. You look at the volunteer, cringe, and ask if he/she wants to take the tape off, or should you do it. Either way, it's going to hurt!!
If you use an overhead projector, place the tape on the overhead and show all the hair, skin, etc. This represents that part of the volunteer student will always be attached to the tape person.
Now, find another volunteer and repeat the process using the same tape (same person). Do this several times; this represents serial monogamy. Every time, the tape sticks less and less — this represents that bonding between persons steadily decreases as a person shares sexual encounters with several other people. Show that after a few sexual relationships, there is no "stickiness" — no bonding power — left.
Another version: use 2 pieces of tape instead of one: one represents a female and the other a male. After each tape person has had several "sexual encounters", try to stick the two tape people together. They probably will not even stick together! This is a very powerful demo for teens!
Demo #10: The Marriage Bed Sheet
This is a very powerful visual aid in a mixed gender group. Mention that when people have sex, they are having sex with everyone they have ever had sex with before. Pick a boy and a girl, or let them volunteer. "Jack" and "Jill" have been dating for a while, and have decided that they want to get married.
Jack takes Jill to show her the house/apartment, and he gets on his knee and asks her to marry him [the class loves this part! The two students can actually do the talking, or you can speak for them, whichever will move it along more quickly]
Jill says "yes"; but then Jack realizes he really needs to be honest and tell Jill about his past. He takes her in to the bedroom (spread out a large, "mod" bed sheet to represent the marriage bed].
With difficulty, Jack tells Jill that he had sexual partners in the past (ex. 3 previous partners — call up 3 girls to stand on the sheet).
Now ask each of these girls how many boys they had sex with besides Jack [tell them to make up a realistic number] and call up that many boys for each girl.
If you have time – and any students – left, you can ask these boys how many other girls they had sex with. Make sure through all this, that these students are leaving enough space on the bed sheet for Jack and Jill to lie down.
Keep moving around the bed sheet, telling them to leave enough space for Jack and Jill. All the students are definitely getting the idea by now: when they have sex, they are bringing with them to the marriage bed all their past "conquests", and it's not something that will just "go away".
Finally, thank all the students and ask them to sit down. [You may want to ask Jill if she still wants to marry Jack. Usually, she will say "no"; but not always. Be prepared for a "no" answer, and for a "yes" answer.]
The students get the message loud and clear. Some of these students probably have had sex with each other, and so they begin to realize in a powerful way what they are doing to themselves. The virgins in the class are usually quite shocked and "grossed out" to visually see what "serial monogamy" would do to their future marriage.
Reemphasize that when people have sex, they are having sex with everyone they have ever had sex with before. They bring with them all the diseases, all the heartaches, all the memories, all the comparisons, all the regrets… [original idea from Teen-Aid]
Demo #11: The "Heart" of Marriage
Cut a large heart (about 8"X8") from red felt.
Have 2 bowls, tongs, a lighter, and a bottle of rubbing alcohol.
Place water in one bowl. Place the heart in the bowl of rubbing alcohol.
Discuss with your students the importance of marriage, and the protective effect of marriage on emotional well-being.
As you begin to talk about how marriage protects your heart from getting burned, pick up the felt heart with the tongs, and light it. The alcohol will blaze on the heart.
As you complete your comments about marriage protecting the heart, place the heart in the bowl of water, put out the flames, squeeze out the unscathed heart, and hold it up to demonstrate that your heart is protected from emotional burns by marriage. The teens are usually impressed that the felt heart is just like new!
[NOTE: be sure to practice this demonstration prior to the actual presentation.]
Demo #12: ABSTINENCE RAP
Love and Sex, Sex and Love,
Both are Gifts from Heaven Above.
One is Good, the Other is Great,
They Both would be Greater, IF you Wait.
But Check this out, in the Place to Be;
Sex Produces a FAM-I-LY.
If you Want to Give Your Mate All that He Needs,
Don't Start Early Because of Greed.
For the Consequences will Change Your Life,
And Make this Harder on Your Husband or Wife.
So Just Wait a While, Your Time will Pass,
'Cause Without that Love, The Sex Won't Last.
And If Your Girl Just Starts a Whinin',
Send Her Off To the Virgin Islands.
[written and performed by a student at an Abstinence Fair in Dale County, as part of the WAITS Project.]
Demo #13: The Gift
THE GIFT
In this world of SEX, SEX, SEX,
Where movies are Rated
Triple X.
Where Pornography lines
the Grocer's shelf,
and Everyone's told
that FIRST comes self.
Ther is ANOTHER
WAY to Live
where instead of "Get",
you have to "Give".
You're taught that Sex
is not a toy,
to be used by every
girl and boy.
You'll learn that SEX
will have to WAIT
until you've found
that Permanent Mate.
A Privilege given
to Man and Wife,
a Gift to Share
throughout their life.
So BEFORE your Life
is Really Wrecked,
Take a Class
in "Sex Respect".
by Nancy Backaus
Demo #14: That One Night
(A poem by an 8th grade female in CPR Class [CPR News, 6/2000], spelling left as written)
Love, What is love?
If I knew I'd tell you, but I'm not yet sure.
To him love is a want, a need, a desire.
Love is a choice, a group effort,
Not to be confused with lust
Which just ends with heartbreak and a lack of trust.
I loved him. I loved him a lot.
He loved me back or so I thought.
I went through the day thinking of him
And how I thought our love would never end.
Then that night he asked me and we drove for hours.
He stopped the car and got our, opened my door and all
I could say was Wow!
He never talked the hole way home.
It made me feel like I was very alone.
He walked me to the door and there he said
It's over now, it's through, our relationship is dead.
I cried, I kicked, I screamed, I asked why!
How could something like this happen to me!
You see, that night was just a fling, he took my virginity.
I was no longer me.
How could he take something so special, so dear
I write this poem for all to hear
This could happen to you
That's what I fear…
So save yourself,
You're worth the wait,
He doesn't really want you
He wants what he can take.
Protect yourself, make it known to all
How love is true, lust isn't at all.
So yes, I have regrets and this poem is true,
If it happened to me, it can happen to you.
Demo #15: A Woman's Poem
I met him; I liked him.
I liked him; I loved him.
I Loved him; I let him.
I let him; I lost him.
Demo #16: A Man's Poem
I saw her; I liked her.
I loved her; I wanted her.
I asked her; she said no.
I married her.
After sixty years, I still have her.